You will role-play a performance conversation and review it against a checklist.
Reading about a hard conversation and having one are very different things. The words that seemed clear on paper come out tangled, the other person says something you didn't expect, and you find yourself softening the message until it disappears. This exercise lets you practise with someone who isn't on your team, so the first time you say the difficult sentence isn't the time that counts.
You need a partner: a friend, a fellow manager from another team, or a mentor. Allow about 35 minutes: ten to prepare, ten for the role-play, and fifteen to review.
Step 1 is to write a brief for your partner. Give your partner a short written brief so they can play the other person realistically. Use the plan you made for lesson 5.3, When someone is falling short, or a composite case if you don't have a real one.
The brief should have three parts: who they are, what the performance gap is, and a reason for the gap that they haven't mentioned to you. The hidden reason is what makes the practice useful. It tests whether you ask for their view and actually listen, or arrive with your theory and push it.
Wei Ling practised with a friend who manages a team at another company. Her brief read: "You are Ravi, two years on the team, used to be friends with your manager. Your client follow-ups have been late three times this month, and one client has complained to the department head. The reason you haven't mentioned: since a colleague took over escalations, your own clients have been emailing you directly and you're spending every morning on their queries. You've stopped keeping a follow-up list. You're embarrassed about it and a little resentful that nobody noticed your workload went up. Don't volunteer this unless you're asked."
Step 2 is to prepare your opening and your examples. Write your first two sentences word for word. The opening should state the purpose of the meeting within the first minute, without a long warm-up. Then write your three examples in situation, behaviour, impact form, using lesson 5.2, Situation, behaviour, impact. Finally, write the question you'll ask to get their view.
Keep the notes in front of you during the role-play. There's nothing wrong with reading your opening sentence. In a real meeting, plenty of experienced managers do the same.
Step 3 is the role-play itself. Agree on a time limit, around ten minutes. If you can, record it on your phone or a video call, with your partner's permission. You will learn far more from watching yourself than from memory.
Open with the purpose. Describe the gap with your examples. Ask for their view, then wait, using the silence from lesson 2.2, Questions that get past everything is fine. Once you understand their side, work out together what will change and what support you'll give. Close with agreed actions and a review date.
Your partner should react naturally: get a little defensive, go quiet, push back on one example. A partner who agrees with everything gives you nothing to practise on.
Step 4 is the review. Watch or listen to the recording and score yourself one point for each of these.
Purpose: you stated why you were meeting within the first minute. Examples: you gave at least two specific examples, described as behaviour rather than judgement. Their view: you asked for their view before proposing any cause or solution, and the hidden reason came out. Agreed actions: you closed with specific actions and the support you'd give, agreed by both of you. Date: you set a specific review date.
Then ask your partner two questions: when did you feel most defensive, and what would have made it easier to tell me the real reason?
Wei Ling scored herself 3 out of 5 on the first run. She opened well: "Ravi, I want to talk about the client follow-ups, because it's come up again and I want us to fix it properly." Her examples were specific. Then she lost the third point. Before asking for his view, she said, "I think maybe you've just got too relaxed about it," and her partner, playing Ravi, became defensive and never mentioned the extra client queries. She ended with "so let's both try harder", which gave no actions and no date.
Her partner's answer to the second question was the most useful part: "If you'd asked what had changed in my workload, I'd have told you straight away."
On the second run, she cut the theory, asked "what's been happening from your side?", and waited. The hidden reason came out within a minute. She scored 5.
You have run the role-play at least once, scored it on the five points, and written down what your partner said made them defensive. Most people need two runs to get all five points. If you only reach four, that's useful to know: it tells you exactly which part to plan more carefully before the real conversation.
Find your partner, write the brief, and run it.
Run the role-play, record it with permission, and score it on the five-point checklist: purpose, examples, their view, agreed actions, date.
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