You will be able to spot jargon and vague marketing words and replace them with plain, concrete ones.
Many small firms describe themselves in words that could belong to anyone. Look through the "About us" pages of a dozen of them and the same few phrases keep turning up: "innovative solutions", "world-class service", "your one-stop shop", "dedicated to excellence". Each sounds businesslike, yet none gives a reader anything to picture. They would sit just as comfortably on a tuition centre's site, a plumbing firm's site or a bank's. People have met them so many times that they read past them without registering a word.
Lesson 7.1 set out a third editing pass for catching this kind of language, and what follows takes that pass further.
Take the words one at a time. "Solutions" can stand for any product or service at all. "Innovative" announces something new without saying what. "World-class" leaves the reader wondering who you are being compared with and by what measure. "One-stop" says you offer several things without naming any of them.
Writers lean on them because they feel safe. They sound like what a business is meant to say, and nobody can prove them wrong, since they make no specific claim. For a reader who arrived with a particular need, that same safety leaves the page with nothing to hold on to.
Ask yourself what you really mean, then put that on the page. A tuition centre writing "We offer innovative learning solutions" might mean "We teach in classes of six, and the tutor checks every child's working as they go" (classes of six is an invented example). A bakery's "Your one-stop shop for cakes" might really be "Birthday cakes, cupcakes and dessert tables, all delivered in Punggol." "World-class service" might turn out to be "We reply to every WhatsApp message within two hours during opening times", which you should only write if you actually do it.
Specific writing is the kind people believe. Abstract nouns like "quality", "excellence", "commitment" and "care" require the reader to trust you. Concrete nouns like "a class of six", "a weekly note to parents" or "a cake baked the morning of delivery" let them see what you mean.
Figures work the same way. "Many satisfied customers" stays abstract, while "312 families since 2019" (an example figure) is concrete, provided it is accurate and you can show it. "Fast delivery" is abstract; "Next working day if you order by 2pm" is concrete.
Whenever a vague phrase turns up, put the question "what exactly?" to it. What, specifically, is the quality? What does the care consist of? How many, how often, how long, and what would a customer see? Your answer nearly always reads better than the phrase it replaces.
Mei Ling bakes from home in Punggol. Her website once read: "Our bakery lives for celebration. We pour our passion into exquisite, made-to-measure creations using the very finest ingredients, always striving to exceed your expectations and give you a truly unforgettable experience."
After working through this pass, her paragraph says that each cake is made to order in her own Punggol kitchen on the morning it is delivered, so the sponge is still soft when the party starts. You give her the theme, how many guests are coming and any allergies, and she sends you a sketch before she begins. No word in the new version praises her quality. The quality comes through in what she does, and a customer could check every claim.
Each line of work has vocabulary of its own. A tutor talks about "heuristics" and "model drawing", a baker about "crumb" and "ganache", a financial adviser about "CPF LIFE", "premium" and "riders".
Such words are fine when your reader uses them too, because then they are the most direct way to say the thing. A parent with a child in P5 has likely come across model drawing through school. Someone ordering a wedding cake may know perfectly well what ganache is.
Trouble starts when you take for granted that readers know words they have never learned. A young adult reading about insurance may have no idea what a rider is. They are unlikely to search for it; they will simply decide the page was written for someone else.
So test each trade word against your voice-of-customer file. If customers use the word in their own messages, keep it. If they never do, either give a short explanation on first use, such as "a rider, an add-on to the main policy", or switch to the word customers would choose.
Business writing tends to reach for the longer word when a shorter one means the same. Five common pairs, long word first:
"utilise", "use" "facilitate", "help" "commence", "start" "purchase", "buy" "endeavour", "try"
The long versions carry no extra meaning and only set the writer further from the reader. To check a sentence, picture a customer across the table, say it aloud, and write down what you would really say. No one at a table says "We will facilitate your child's learning journey." They might say "We'll help your child get the method right."
Plain writing is still careful writing, and it does not mean filling the page with slang. It means choosing the simpler word whenever it carries the same meaning.
When you edit your own copy, work in this order. Find the vague, stock words and phrases. Ask of each one what you actually mean: how many, how often, how long, what does it look like. Replace it with concrete nouns and real numbers, using only figures that are true and that you can show. Check every trade word against your voice-of-customer file, then keep, explain or replace it. Finally swap long words for plain ones, saying each sentence to an imagined customer.
For the activity, go through your own website, recent posts and any brochure, and list the words and phrases that appear again and again without saying anything specific. Your voice-of-customer file is the best place to find replacements, because it shows the words your customers use for the same thing.
Make a list of ten words or phrases your business overuses and write a plain replacement or a concrete example for each.
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