You will be able to ask questions that reveal what the other side cares about without interrogating them.
Arjun edits videos for a living. A property developer's marketing team has asked him for six short clips for a launch, and they want them in two weeks instead of the usual four. His first instinct is to quote a rush fee and wait for the pushback. That's a position meeting a position. Before he names any number, he has a better move available: find out why the date matters so much.
Lesson 1.1, What people ask for is not what they need, showed that a position usually hides several interests. This lesson is about getting the other side to tell you what those interests are, in a conversation that feels like interest in their problem rather than an interview.
The simplest question in negotiation is why. It's also the easiest one to get wrong. "Why do you need it in two weeks?" can sound like a challenge, as if the client has to justify themselves. The same curiosity lands better when you ask what the demand is for.
"What would having the clips by the 14th let you do?"
"What's behind that date?"
"What happens on your side if it slips a week?"
Arjun asks the second one. The marketing manager explains that the clips are for a preview event for existing buyers, and the event date is fixed. Only two of the six clips will be shown at the event. The other four are for social media in the weeks after.
That single answer changes the negotiation. The interest is having something good to show on one evening, and two clips meet it. Arjun can now offer two clips in two weeks and the other four on his normal schedule, with no rush fee at all, or a smaller one. Neither of them proposed that at the start.
Fisher and Ury, in Getting to Yes, suggest asking "why?" and then "why not?" Both are worth having ready.
The second question turns your own offer into the subject. Instead of defending it, you invite the other side to tell you what's wrong with it.
"What makes this hard for you to accept?"
"If you took this to your boss, what would they push back on?"
"What would need to change for this to work for you?"
These questions feel risky, because you're asking for objections. In practice the objections exist whether you ask or not. Asking brings them out while you can still do something about them. If Arjun proposes a rush fee and the manager goes quiet, "What makes that hard?" might reveal that the marketing budget was approved months ago and any extra needs a director's sign-off. Now he knows the real constraint is approval, and that a smaller fee that fits within the manager's own limit might be easier to agree than a larger one that has to go upstairs.
People rarely list their interests in order of importance. They tell you by repeating themselves. Pay attention to the words and worries that come up more than once.
If the marketing manager mentions the preview event three times, mentions "the director" twice and mentions the budget once, the event and the director are probably what matter most. If a landlord keeps saying "last time the tenant left the place in a mess", the rent figure may matter less to them than the condition of the flat. A repeated worry is often the interest that will decide the deal.
It helps to write these down as you go, in a notebook or on your phone if the setting allows. Afterwards you'll remember the numbers, but you'll forget the exact words people used, and the words carry the clues.
When you hear a repeated word, you can reflect it back: "It sounds like the event is the part that can't move. Is that right?" This checks your guess and shows you were listening, which makes the other person more willing to say more.
Asking question after question can start to feel like an interrogation, especially with someone you've just met. The fix is to share something too. Telling the other side some of your own interests often makes them more open about theirs.
Arjun might say: "For me the main thing is not stacking two rushed jobs back to back, because the quality drops. If I know which clips matter most for the event, I can plan around that." He hasn't revealed his lowest acceptable fee or how badly he wants the work. He has explained a real concern, and he has made it natural for the manager to explain hers.
There's a line here. Share interests freely, because interests help both sides find options. Keep your numbers private, such as the lowest fee you'd take, because they don't help the other side find options, they only tell them where to stop. Module 2 covers those numbers in detail.
The questions in this lesson only work if they sound like you talking. "What would that let you do?" might sound natural from a colleague and stiff from someone you've just met. Adjust the words to your own voice and to the relationship. With a landlord you've known for three years, you might simply ask, "Is the increase about the market, or is something else going on?" With a new client, you might soften it: "Can I ask what's driving the timing? It'll help me suggest the best way to do this."
Tone matters as much as wording. Ask with genuine curiosity, wait for the answer, and don't follow every reply with another question straight away. Silence after a question gives people time to say the thing they nearly didn't say.
Now think about the negotiation you picked in lesson 1.1. Picture the other side in front of you and the moment just after they state their position. The activity below asks you to write the questions you would ask next, and to judge which of them you could say out loud without sounding scripted.
Write six questions you could ask in your upcoming negotiation to uncover the other side's interests, and rank them by how natural they would sound.
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