Explain resilience as a set of recovery habits more than toughness, and know where to go when you need more support.
Think back to the last stretch at work that wore you out, and write down three things about it: roughly how much you slept, how often you saw people you trust, and how much say you had over your own hours. Keep the note nearby, because those details shape how quickly you recover, and you will use them in the activity at the end.
A common belief is that resilience is toughness, the ability to push through and not be affected. If you hold that belief, the flat feeling after a hard stretch gets worse, because it suggests you failed at being tough. Research gives a different and more useful account.
Nadia works at a company that runs year-end parties and corporate dinners (she is an invented example). December is her hardest month. For three weeks the company runs events almost every night, and by the last one she is sleeping five hours, eating out of takeaway boxes in the back of the venue and snapping at her partner over nothing. She expects to bounce back afterwards because she always has. This year, three weeks into January, she still feels flat.
Ann Masten is a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota who has spent decades studying how people adapt to adversity, mostly children and young people facing serious hardship. Masten summed up the conclusion of that work as ordinary magic, meaning resilience is common. It comes from ordinary things working as they should, and it does not depend on some rare inner strength. Those ordinary things are close relationships with people who care, routines and the ability to regulate yourself, and a sense of having some control over what happens to you.
Masten's research is about childhood development, so it shouldn't be stretched too far. Its central idea does carry over well to a hard stretch at work. Resilience is ordinary adaptation, built and maintained by everyday habits, and you don't simply have it or lack it as a trait. When those habits are disrupted, resilience runs down.
Seen this way, Nadia's January makes sense. She spent three weeks with almost no sleep, no routine, little time with people she trusted and very little control over her hours, so feeling flat afterwards was a predictable result of losing all of them. Recovery is what rebuilds those reserves, and it needs real breaks, which is more than just being away from the office.
Sabine Sonnentag is a work psychologist who has studied recovery from work with colleagues. They describe four experiences that help people recover:
Psychological detachment: actually switching off from work in your head. Relaxation. Mastery: doing something challenging outside work, such as learning a skill or a sport. Control: having a say in how you spend your own time.
In practice, the basics come first, and they go in this order. Start by protecting your sleep, since everything else rests on it, and most people underestimate how much a run of short nights affects their mood and patience. Next, move. A run along the Kallang Riverside, a swim or walking part of the way home all count.
Then make time for people you trust, which matches what Masten found about close relationships. After that, spend time fully away from work messages. This is the detachment Sonnentag describes, and checking email in bed doesn't count as detaching even if you never reply. Holding the boundary you set in Lesson 7.2, "Set a boundary and hold it when it is tested", is part of your recovery too.
When you're worn down, it is tempting to try to think your way out alone, replaying the hard weeks and planning to do better, often going round in circles. Talking it through with someone you trust usually helps more. It can be informal: telling a friend over dinner what the last month was like, or calling a sibling on the way home.
Talking puts words to what you went through, which links to naming feelings in Lesson 2.3. The other person may also notice things you can't see yourself, such as how much you took on or how little you rested, and hearing that your reaction is normal can take some of the weight off.
For Nadia, the most useful conversation was with a former colleague who had done the same job for years. The colleague told her that everyone feels like this in January and advised her to book a week off in February and leave her laptop at home. Hearing that it was normal took some of the weight off. Nadia booked the week off, and by March she felt like herself again. She also noticed she didn't want to rely on luck next December.
Ordinary recovery habits work for ordinary hard stretches, and sometimes what you are dealing with is more than that. Look for further help if low mood, anxiety or exhaustion lasts for weeks, or if it starts affecting daily life, such as your sleep, appetite, work or relationships.
Start with your doctor, who can assess what is going on and point you to the right support. In Singapore, mindline.sg is a good place to begin if you want to understand what you are feeling and find where to go for support. If your workplace has an employee assistance programme, it may offer confidential counselling. If you ever feel unsafe or think you might harm yourself, go to the nearest A&E or call emergency services straight away.
The course teaches skills and is no substitute for treatment. Getting professional help doesn't mean the skills failed, only that you picked the right tool for a different problem.
In the activity below, look back at your own last hard stretch, using the note you made at the start, and list what actually helped you recover. Then take the top three and turn them into a weekly routine, with a time attached to each one.
List what helped you recover after your last hard stretch. Take the top three and put them into a weekly routine, with a set time for each.
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