Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations

Notice and steady your reactions, read the other side, and hold the hard conversations you have been putting off.

Most of the hard moments at work are not technical. A colleague takes credit, a client sends an angry email at 11pm, your manager criticises you in front of the team, and you either say nothing or say too much. This course treats emotional intelligence as a set of skills rather than a personality score, and it is honest about what the research shows and what it does not. You learn to spot your triggers, steady yourself, see the other side, pick how to handle a conflict, and run the conversation you have been avoiding, then say no and recover without burning out.

What you'll be able to do

• Explain what emotional intelligence is, who defined it, and which claims about it the evidence supports
• Keep a trigger log and name your two strongest triggers and the story behind each
• Write if-then plans that help you stay steady when a known trigger fires
• Describe a conflict fairly from the other person's side, including their feelings and needs
• Choose a Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode deliberately for a given situation
• Plan, rehearse and hold a difficult conversation using facts, shared purpose and a clear request
• Decline requests, set boundaries and receive criticism without damaging the relationship

Syllabus

Module 1: Know what emotional intelligence is and what the evidence says

You will learn where the idea of emotional intelligence came from, how the main models differ, and what the research does and does not support. That lets you judge claims about it and spend your effort on skills you can practise.

• 1.1 Emotional intelligence is a set of skills, not a personality type
• 1.2 Why different emotional intelligence tests disagree
• 1.3 What the research supports and what it oversells
• 1.4 Rate yourself and ask two people to rate you

Module 2: Notice your triggers before they run the conversation

Learn to spot the signals in your body and thoughts when an emotion rises, put an exact name to it, and find the situations and people that set you off again and again.

• 2.1 Your body notices the feeling before you do
• 2.2 Find the situations, people and stories that set you off
• 2.3 Put a precise name on what you feel
• 2.4 Keep a trigger log for one week

Module 3: Stay steady under pressure

Learn tested ways to regulate emotion, such as reappraisal and a deliberate pause, so you respond to pressure instead of reacting to it.

• 3.1 Why bottling it up tends to backfire
• 3.2 Change the story you tell yourself about what happened
• 3.3 Buy time when you feel yourself about to react
• 3.4 Write if-then plans for your top triggers

Module 4: Understand the other person's side

Learn the difference between feeling what someone feels and understanding their view. Practise taking another person's perspective on purpose, and listen for the feelings and needs behind what they say.

• 4.1 Understanding someone is different from feeling what they feel
• 4.2 Take the other person's view on purpose
• 4.3 Listen for feelings and needs under the words
• 4.4 Retell a conflict from the other side

Module 5: Choose how to handle each conflict

Learn the five Thomas-Kilmann conflict modes, find your default style and what it costs you, and pick the mode that suits the situation and the relationship.

• 5.1 Five ways people handle conflict, and when each one fits
• 5.2 Your default style and what it costs you
• 5.3 Conflict in Singapore workplaces: hierarchy, face and indirect signals
• 5.4 Pick a mode for three live conflicts

Module 6: Run a difficult conversation from start to finish

You will prepare for a conversation you have been putting off, then open it, give your view and make a request. The structures come from Patterson and colleagues and from Nonviolent Communication.

• 6.1 Separate the facts from the story you have built
• 6.2 Open with a shared purpose so it is safe to talk
• 6.3 Say what you think, then ask what they think
• 6.4 End with a clear request, not a hint
• 6.5 Script, rehearse and hold the conversation

Module 7: Say no, take criticism and recover after a hard stretch

Learn to decline requests and set boundaries while keeping your working relationships intact, to hear criticism out before defending yourself, and to build routines that help you recover after a hard week or project.

• 7.1 Say no without burning the relationship
• 7.2 Set a boundary and hold it when it is tested
• 7.3 Take criticism without defending on reflex
• 7.4 Recover after a hard week, and know when to get help
• 7.5 Build your boundaries and recovery plan

Frequently asked questions

How long does the course take?

About nine hours across seven modules, including exercises. The trigger log and the real conversation need time in between, so most people take four to six weeks at two hours a week.

Is emotional intelligence even a real thing?

The skills are real and observable. Whether one overall score adds much beyond personality and general intelligence is still debated by researchers, and module 1 explains that debate. The course teaches skills you can practise, not a type you are sorted into.

How is this different from Communicate at work: writing, speaking and meetings?

That course covers everyday clear communication. This one is about the moments when emotions run high: conflict, criticism, saying no and conversations you dread. Many people take both, in either order.

Is this therapy or mental health treatment?

No. It is skills training for everyday work and life. If you are dealing with ongoing anxiety, low mood or burnout, please see a doctor or start with the resources on mindline.sg.

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